Ode to Revan

{ Parody of Let It Go from Disney's Frozen }

The trees grow wild here on Yavin tonight,
just some temples and the green.
An uneasy coalition
has just landed on the scene.

We battled walkers and so many Revanites
couldn't get to HIM, not 'til this last fight.

Don't let him win, he has to see:
Lana, Marr, Shae, and Theron backing me.
You'll heal, Statele. Hey, Jakarro....
Lets start this show!

Oh, but NO!
Oh, but NO!
Can't win the fight anymore.
I have no...
...where to go!
I respawned outside the door!

I don't care what they're going to say.
Beta closed, few on.
The devs never bothered to do Q/A.

It's funny how one glitch can
make everything go wrong.
It's as if the devs just trolled me.
I'm writing them a song.

I'll try to see what I can do
to best him? Well, here goes Take Two.
This fight's gone wrong, no orbs I see.
EFF ME!

Oh, but NO!
Oh, but NO!
I'm not gonna beat this guy.
Oh, but NO!
Oh, but NO!
I'll never see him die.

Here I stand
What's Gen Chat say?
Hear them all rage on....


I scour forums searching for a work-around.
I hope to spy a thing supposing something can be found.
But one thing, this I know is: I cannot get past
Can't take his slow attack.
Can't interrupt his cast.

Oh, but NO!
Oh, but NO!
I'll pray for a patch by dawn.
Oh, but NO!
Oh, but NO!
Repair funds all are gone.

Here I stand,
and I'd like to play

Hear me scream out, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"
I'm told BioWare hates us anyway.

Historical note: For those of you reading this long after it was originally posted, some context is required to fully understand the lyrics.

This was originally written and posted in December 2014 during the first week of subscriber early-access to game version 3.0. During that first week, the final single-player battle with Revan at the end of the Shadow of Revan storyline (note: NOT the final boss of the Temple of Sacrifice operation) suffered from game-breaking bugs that made the fight unwinnable without using . . . let's call them 'alternative tactics' and leave it at that.

Among those bugs:

- When the fight began, the door to the fight location would close, which is pretty standard, but it would not re-open if you were defeated. So if you accidentally respawned outside and tried to re-enter the instance, you couldn't re-enter the actual fight location to try again.

- During the two phases where all your NPC assistants were trapped in bubbles, the game simply did not spawn the orbs that were required to free them. (Of course, in the first week, none of us knew that there were SUPPOSED to be orbs, so we just thought it was a phase that forced you to fight him unassisted.)

- While fighting him with your NPC assistants, many of his worst attacks are directed at Darth Marr and/or Jakarro, who act as tanks and draw Revan's aggro away from you. Without that, Revan had a pair of attacks that would draw you into a strong AoE in the center (where he is) and put a slow debuff on you so that you couldn't escape. You could stay alive if you could avoid being caught by that attack, but....

- ...but you had to be able to interrupt it. And while it was possible to interrupt the cast, it went out more often than the cooldown on your interrupt ability.

The thing about this fight was that these problems were obvious, they affected everyone, and they were front-and-center in what was supposed to be this epic, climactic final battle with your Big Bad Nemesis--something every single person in the game would be striving toward and attempting. Yet somehow these game-breaking problems remained in the released-to-production version of 3.0. There was, at the time, this overwhelming sentiment of HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU HAVE MISSED THIS?!?

So this little parody was my way of venting that frustration.

They did fix it after a week, but the damage was done, and the Revan fiasco turned out to only be the first in a long line of issues with 3.0 that demonstrated to the players that this release had been rushed to release before it was ready--and then made WAY WORSE by the fact that most of the problems went 4-6 weeks before being addressed due to most of the development team being gone for their Christmas vacations.